Handling the arrangements for children during the festive period
‘Tis the season to be jolly as the well-known Christmas song goes, however, whilst the holiday season is often a time for joy and celebration with family and friends, for separated families it can also bring stress and challenges. The multitude of family events and traditions that occur over the Christmas season can take its toll on anyone, but when combined with managing arrangements for the children with an ex-partner, and dealing with increasing financial obligations around the holidays, it can be a very tricky time, but it is possible to successfully navigate this festive period by having a plan and communicating well.
Following a divorce or separation, ensuring that children feel loved and supported at all times is crucial. However, making fair and balanced arrangements for their care during this period can be complex, particularly when both parents wish to spend time with their children over Christmas.
Legal Considerations
In England & Wales the legal framework, as set out in the Children Act 1989, is designed to ensure that the child’s best interests are the top priority for the court. However, not all cases are dealt with by the court, and Christmas arrangements are commonly a matter of mutual agreement between parents. Here are some pointers to help you through this festive period.
- Communicate early
Open and early communication is crucial to avoid misunderstandings and conflict at this time of year. Where communication with your ex-partner is not at its best, leaving matters until December is not a good idea, particularly given that Christmas is generally a busy period for everyone both at home and at work and stress levels may be running high. Try and discuss your expectations in advance of December, taking into account the children’s needs and wishes, any religious or cultural traditions that each parent might wish to observe, the travel and logistical arrangements for the period, and the family and social events that a parent might wish to attend with the children.
- Be flexible and prepared to compromise
Flexibility is the key to ensuring that the children have a happy and positive experience over Christmas. Taking a rigid stance to the arrangements can create tension and conflict which will impact negatively on the children.
Compromise where needed, although this might mean adjusting your own plans for the benefit of the children, perhaps by allowing the other parent to share the day. Some families divide Christmas Day so that both parents spend time with the children, others might alternate Christmas Day each year between parents. Remember that the Christmas period itself extends beyond the 25th of December, so there should be room for some flexibility. Regardless of which parent has the children for Christmas Day, establishing new family traditions on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day instead can create happy and lasting memories for children.
- Prioritise the children
Remember that despite the issues that have arisen between you and your ex-partner, the wellbeing of the children should be your number one priority. Try to avoid putting the children into the middle of any arguments or disagreements, and try and maintain a calm and positive approach to dealing with your ex, particularly when having discussions in their presence.
Looking Ahead
If this year’s arrangements turn out to be very tricky to discuss, think about attending family mediation next year. The process is intended to help parties communicate and negotiate effectively, and away from the pressures and stresses of Christmas, it might be easier to be able to talk about the possible options for next Christmas.
Despite best efforts, disputes can and do arise. If you cannot reach an agreement, seek legal advice as to your options. The court rules require parents to consider all forms of non-court based dispute resolution, which includes mediation, and discussions through solicitors, but sadly, there are cases where the court needs to intervene to ensure that the children’s best interests are upheld.
We have substantial family law experience and understand the challenges that come with separation. Our experience assures you of your legal rights before you decide on any course of action. Early professional advice clarifies your situation and provides the tools to enable you to make decisions to protect your interests and that of loved ones. Our committed team are ready to provide answers tailored to your needs.
For an initial consultation with one of our experienced solicitors, please contact us at 03330 150 150 or email familyteam@blackfords.com
